Once in a while it hits me.  We are all here only for so long and damnit, you better enjoy every minute of it.  I think anyone who knows me would agree, I am a relatively happy, upbeat person.  I rarely am as you say, down in the dumps, sullen, blue or long suffering.  I believe my children are a big part of this and especially my youngest who has by far seen far too much "unhappiness" is his seven years. 

I must remain light on my feet.  I must be the one who "brings the party", the one who gives in to Top Ramen and cake for dinner, the one who reads just one more chapter of Diary of a Wimpy Kid and the one who is the first to know exactly when Cars 2 and Zookeeper are in the theaters.  My husband, is a great daddy.  He is ultimately the party in the pool where I usually am off in the play area or swimming around while he initiates his own game of "wrecking ball" with the boys- a rather fantastic sport where he dons goggles and slinks under water waiting for the perfect moment to catapult forward toward both screaming boys, their legs splashing with explosive energy.  He finds an ankle, a leg, an arm of a boy and drags him back where the wriggly victim is quickly consumed in belly farts and finished off with a toss in the air only to return for more.  What fun. 

I love every day.  Every moment and just this week as one of the employees in my building sighed, "Just tell me when its Friday", I stopped him and said, "Now what about the rest?  What about Tuesday at 1:26 p.m. and Thursday at 7:13 a.m. Remember, you don't know how many Fridays or Mondays or even Wednesdays you have left.  Don't forget.  Every day is Friday to me.  They're all good." 

He nodded and agreed I was right.  Our youngest son has taught us that every day.  Every day I line up his meds on the counter, one colored syringe after another.  The injections we give him weekly are expedited with a combination of a tactical stealth approach by my husband while he holds him down and I prep the spot, quickly sinking the needle into his soft skin.  This brief but traumatic event is followed up each time with much hugging and tears and "mommy is so sorry but we have to.."

And like today.  We will drop our oldest; his sensitive, attentive older champion brother, off at day camp and then head to the Phoenix Children's Hospital for an echocardiogram.  We need to check his heart.  His blood pressure has been creeping up. 

So enjoy your Friday, enjoy your days as they lay out ahead of you like balanced domino soldiers and appreciate every day you get.  Be happy  and above all love every damn minute of it. 

I am in between books right now and have decided that although I ordered THREE more, I owe it to myself to postpone the dive into another memoir and focus on writing.  I am reading through "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg.  I am certain many of you have heard of or have already read this inspirational and helpful book on writing.  

I have had this book a while and am determined to begin working on writing more seriously.  Enough wasted time, enough wishful thinking about empty pens or forgetting my journal at home.  It is true; writing is a painful, laborious and gut wrenching process.  My husband cannot comprehend how after all this time, I have produced little more than a few short stories.  Amazing, I SAY!!

Goldberg covers one particular lesson I am determined to focus on over the next several months; Writing as Practice.  Write whatever is working through you.  Write in the margins, back of pages, what you see, the smells, a thought, a memory.  You never know, that thought or sight may turn into a whole chapter leading from the load of laundry you just folded, full of little baby boy clothes to the first time you made brownies with your grandma. 

I owe it to myself to stop being so hard on myself.  I am so particular about every line, word or thought, I don't actually relax and just write freely.  I find that when I actually tell myself, "Okay, lets work on the next chapter..." I never even get to it.  Again, too much pressure!

So, I will relax.  I will work on just writing.  I will not put restrictions on what I write and will not write myself into a corner. 

We owe it to ourselves. 

Anything to get me to brownies....