It is Friday the 13th and before the night recedes any further into distant memory, I must get my latest revelation off my chest; I have also had a glass of wine or two.

Yes, my friends it is Friday the 13th and my day started out with a follow up appointment with my cardiologist. I can hear you all.... "How old are you? Why would you be seeking the technical knowledge of such a high grade medical professional?" I will tell you, heart palpitations. Yes, little beats that just don't seem to fit the normal pattern of day to day living. I actually wore a heart monitor for a month.

Well, today the good news is he said the monitor along with the ultrasounds were all great! You have the heart of a 20 year old (I am 46).  Fantastic!! Pour me another glass!  It IS working!  Shiraz does cure all!!  Take note my friends!!

Then... he scooted closer, brought the chart to my face, I could smell the paper, see the little letters and numbers, even the alien script writing doctors seem to develop and that is when he let it fly...

"The vein mapping we did...You said you have had leg pain in the past, right?"

"Well, yea once in a while. I am on my feet at work at times."  (I am a cop remember?  I tend to wear about 22 lbs of "stuff" around my waist and yes, I am on my feet.)

"Well you came back with Venus Reflux Disease." (go ahead, I know you want to Google it... go ahead)

Blank stare, lower jaw drops to floor... remember, I came in for heart palpitations.

"So....what does that mean?  Can I work on it?" (ie.. can I drink something, do an exercise, work out diffently, chant something repeatedly?)  No.. I am not into pills, so that option was out.

"Well, it will progress.  You are healthy, in good shape.  In 20-30 years though, it will become a problem and you will need to address it."

So he says....

Translation; I am going to have old lady legs.. Blood pooling around my ankles, swelling, ugly veins.. you name it.. Great..

It's Friday the 13th.. did I tell you that?

__________________

So, as I wallow in my misery, I get a collective hold on myself and realize---- this is nothing folks.  My legs look---- okay.  They are not like they looked when I was 24 but whose legs look like that 20 or so years later???  I work out, I eat right, I drink wine and yes a beer or two.

Then I was traversing the great wide world web and came across the Three Stooges Movie.. I LOVE the Three Stooges.  I am a simpleton and I needed something to lighten my mental load.

I know exactly what to do this weekend..

Take my two boys to see the Three Stooges.  And screw the veins..   Cheers

Hello my friends. If I have any left that is. July 2011, seems an eternity ago and now I found the inspiration and time to make a quick pitch to anyone out there who still may check in once in a while. Well.. what has been happening?

I dedicated myself to some serious writing and it did pay off.  I got an Honorable Mention in the Writer's Digest 80th Annual Writing Competition. My category was heavily attended (Short Story Lit/Mainstream) with over 5000 entries I believe (or best estimate). I got 43 out of top 100 for a fictional short story titled, A Moment for Rosalie.  "Ya shoulda seen my face when I opened the e-mail."  Better yet, you should have seen the little jig I danced around the house like a spastic cheerleader on Red Bull.

I am now heading to the ASU Virginia Piper's Desert Nights Rising Stars Writer's Conference, just a few weeks away. Last year I blogged about my experience and if you care to check in to see what I learn, please check back. This year I made the big leap to the "Master's Class" and have submitted 20 pages of my non-fiction, A Mother's Purpose, for review by a published author and 11 other aspiring memoirists. This should be fun and I hope to take all I can from having several writers read and critique my work.

I also have entered the Writer Mag's Memoir contest, soon to be announced March 1 or shortly thereafter. I have to say, I get a real kick out of entering contests. If you have never entered one, do your research, enter a quality one with a long standing. Polish up your work and take the leap. I find it very therapeutic in a "writerly" sort of way.

I am glad to be back. Please follow, please comment. I love to hear back from you and above all, if you have a blog/story to share, do so here.  I am also a member of She Writes but just cannot get the darn logo to attach!!!! 

More Soon!

I began this blog as a way to inspire more writing.  It has, it does.  The problem; not the right/write kind.  Thank you to those who have elected to follow, comment and inspire.  I have a goal to have a working manuscript done by end of 2011 for my non-fiction/memoir, yet I have found the blog to be.... well-a distraction.  I must however pat myself on the back for the determination to "blog regularly" as evidenced by my archive. (I honestly did not think I could do it)

So, I will temporarily sign off.  Some call it 'blogging without obligation' or just plain, "Got too much stuff going on and my priorities are a bit eschew." 

I will check in later but for now will focus on filling the pages of my well worn journal, filling another journal or two, transcribing complete chapters to the computer, revising and revising---(raising my two boys, tending to a busy husband, working full-time, taking care of our youngest son's health and being a hockey/music lesson mom.. oh, and finishing my Master's).  Of course, I will continue reading as inspiration.  I will push forward with my story I so want to tell.  Parenting, indifference, sacrifice, selfish human nature and of course, hope.  "A Mother's Purpose" (or TBD)

Bye for now.

Once in a while it hits me.  We are all here only for so long and damnit, you better enjoy every minute of it.  I think anyone who knows me would agree, I am a relatively happy, upbeat person.  I rarely am as you say, down in the dumps, sullen, blue or long suffering.  I believe my children are a big part of this and especially my youngest who has by far seen far too much "unhappiness" is his seven years. 

I must remain light on my feet.  I must be the one who "brings the party", the one who gives in to Top Ramen and cake for dinner, the one who reads just one more chapter of Diary of a Wimpy Kid and the one who is the first to know exactly when Cars 2 and Zookeeper are in the theaters.  My husband, is a great daddy.  He is ultimately the party in the pool where I usually am off in the play area or swimming around while he initiates his own game of "wrecking ball" with the boys- a rather fantastic sport where he dons goggles and slinks under water waiting for the perfect moment to catapult forward toward both screaming boys, their legs splashing with explosive energy.  He finds an ankle, a leg, an arm of a boy and drags him back where the wriggly victim is quickly consumed in belly farts and finished off with a toss in the air only to return for more.  What fun. 

I love every day.  Every moment and just this week as one of the employees in my building sighed, "Just tell me when its Friday", I stopped him and said, "Now what about the rest?  What about Tuesday at 1:26 p.m. and Thursday at 7:13 a.m. Remember, you don't know how many Fridays or Mondays or even Wednesdays you have left.  Don't forget.  Every day is Friday to me.  They're all good." 

He nodded and agreed I was right.  Our youngest son has taught us that every day.  Every day I line up his meds on the counter, one colored syringe after another.  The injections we give him weekly are expedited with a combination of a tactical stealth approach by my husband while he holds him down and I prep the spot, quickly sinking the needle into his soft skin.  This brief but traumatic event is followed up each time with much hugging and tears and "mommy is so sorry but we have to.."

And like today.  We will drop our oldest; his sensitive, attentive older champion brother, off at day camp and then head to the Phoenix Children's Hospital for an echocardiogram.  We need to check his heart.  His blood pressure has been creeping up. 

So enjoy your Friday, enjoy your days as they lay out ahead of you like balanced domino soldiers and appreciate every day you get.  Be happy  and above all love every damn minute of it. 

I am in between books right now and have decided that although I ordered THREE more, I owe it to myself to postpone the dive into another memoir and focus on writing.  I am reading through "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg.  I am certain many of you have heard of or have already read this inspirational and helpful book on writing.  

I have had this book a while and am determined to begin working on writing more seriously.  Enough wasted time, enough wishful thinking about empty pens or forgetting my journal at home.  It is true; writing is a painful, laborious and gut wrenching process.  My husband cannot comprehend how after all this time, I have produced little more than a few short stories.  Amazing, I SAY!!

Goldberg covers one particular lesson I am determined to focus on over the next several months; Writing as Practice.  Write whatever is working through you.  Write in the margins, back of pages, what you see, the smells, a thought, a memory.  You never know, that thought or sight may turn into a whole chapter leading from the load of laundry you just folded, full of little baby boy clothes to the first time you made brownies with your grandma. 

I owe it to myself to stop being so hard on myself.  I am so particular about every line, word or thought, I don't actually relax and just write freely.  I find that when I actually tell myself, "Okay, lets work on the next chapter..." I never even get to it.  Again, too much pressure!

So, I will relax.  I will work on just writing.  I will not put restrictions on what I write and will not write myself into a corner. 

We owe it to ourselves. 

Anything to get me to brownies....