When You Have No Words

What does one say or how does one process an act of evil where in the matter of 10 minutes 20 young children are shot multiple times?

Last week while at work, I watched the news play out. I was busy, discussing administrative matters, personnel paperwork, running from call to call, handling a citizen inquiry and taking a phone call here and there. Then the ticker on the bottom of the screen read- "Reports indicate 26 people killed.." That is when it all changed. The atmosphere became thick and charged. Staff walked in and out of offices and breakrooms, checked televisions and spoke in hushed tones clearly unable to focus. It was what we were hearing, what we were seeing; an elementary school, several dead, some must be children.

Just like everyone across the country, we will all remember where we were when we first learned 20 children were shot multiple times at close range. We can imagine them gathered in circle time huddled with their teacher, her arms like wings outstretched around those babies, or ordered under tables in lockdown tucked tightly under tables; the teacher running at the perpetrator in the same manner as the principal. I have no doubt.

We will probably all look at our own and other people's children a little differently. This is where my mind took me on the Saturday following this tragedy, as I drove my own children and the giggling friends of my youngest to his birthday party, just how precious the cargo I was carrying truly was.  It takes a village to raise a child. We should all work to protect children, be they are own or someone elses. There is true evil in the world, this event has only proven what we already knew. This makes our job as the good people on this earth even more important. Hug your kids and if you do not have any children, make a difference in one child's life.

For evil to win-- is for good people to do nothing.

Your Fondest Christmas Childhood Memory

Tell me and all viewing; what is your fondest memory of that very special Christmas morning? What was that one present or presents that made it the best day ever?

For me, it was a couple of things.  I asked for and really, really wanted a Holly Hobby lifesize doll. I don't know if anyone out there remembers Holly Hobby but when I opened that big box and saw her blue bonnet, flower dotted dress and long braids, I was in love. I got her sister also and for the life of me I cannot remember her name.  This was 1979 and the absolute best Christmas, I was 13. After the big Holly reveal, I came across (I have to admit, I peeked) my next favorite present; a little combination safe about the size of a volley ball but square, blue metal with a cool spinning combination lock.  For the next few years I put love letters from a teenage crush in Indiana in the safe along with some coins I collected.  Wish I still had that safe, it was so cool. 

What is your best memory? 

Catching Up, Gearing Up, Stressing Out

Has it really been since April? Unfortuately yes. My "catching up" includes posting a quick hello that I am still alive and our family has been through much--but more on that later.

We are "gearing up" for the holidays and due to a pinched nerve in my neck I was very late with and short on the Halloween decos this year. They did get put up but only about one week or so before the big night. That is LATE for me.  Feeling better now and actually able to type sitting straight up instead of reclined in a slouched position.

I also entered the WD Short Short Story competition. I entered two stories this year and we shall see what comes of that. Also already registered for Desert Nights Rising Stars Writers Conference for February 2013.

As for "stressing out".. well that is another story all in itself. Our youngest son, Avery who had his kidney transplant almost five years ago, is battling rejection again. We have both AMR and cellular rejection and we spent nine days in the hospital this time. Avery has one more treatment of plasma pheresis and IVIG. It knocks him down for 24 hours, terrible. He is my hero in more ways than one. It is a lot to take and that "perfect match" they said we had with my kidney... well-- not everything is perfect.

We will push through again!

The Three Stooges and Bad Veins

It is Friday the 13th and before the night recedes any further into distant memory, I must get my latest revelation off my chest; I have also had a glass of wine or two.

Yes, my friends it is Friday the 13th and my day started out with a follow up appointment with my cardiologist. I can hear you all.... "How old are you? Why would you be seeking the technical knowledge of such a high grade medical professional?" I will tell you, heart palpitations. Yes, little beats that just don't seem to fit the normal pattern of day to day living. I actually wore a heart monitor for a month.

Well, today the good news is he said the monitor along with the ultrasounds were all great! You have the heart of a 20 year old (I am 46).  Fantastic!! Pour me another glass!  It IS working!  Shiraz does cure all!!  Take note my friends!!

Then... he scooted closer, brought the chart to my face, I could smell the paper, see the little letters and numbers, even the alien script writing doctors seem to develop and that is when he let it fly...

"The vein mapping we did...You said you have had leg pain in the past, right?"

"Well, yea once in a while. I am on my feet at work at times."  (I am a cop remember?  I tend to wear about 22 lbs of "stuff" around my waist and yes, I am on my feet.)

"Well you came back with Venus Reflux Disease." (go ahead, I know you want to Google it... go ahead)

Blank stare, lower jaw drops to floor... remember, I came in for heart palpitations.

"So....what does that mean?  Can I work on it?" (ie.. can I drink something, do an exercise, work out diffently, chant something repeatedly?)  No.. I am not into pills, so that option was out.

"Well, it will progress.  You are healthy, in good shape.  In 20-30 years though, it will become a problem and you will need to address it."

So he says....

Translation; I am going to have old lady legs.. Blood pooling around my ankles, swelling, ugly veins.. you name it.. Great..

It's Friday the 13th.. did I tell you that?


So, as I wallow in my misery, I get a collective hold on myself and realize---- this is nothing folks.  My legs look---- okay.  They are not like they looked when I was 24 but whose legs look like that 20 or so years later???  I work out, I eat right, I drink wine and yes a beer or two.

Then I was traversing the great wide world web and came across the Three Stooges Movie.. I LOVE the Three Stooges.  I am a simpleton and I needed something to lighten my mental load.

I know exactly what to do this weekend..

Take my two boys to see the Three Stooges.  And screw the veins..   Cheers

I am Here; Are You?

Hello my friends. If I have any left that is. July 2011, seems an eternity ago and now I found the inspiration and time to make a quick pitch to anyone out there who still may check in once in a while. Well.. what has been happening?

I dedicated myself to some serious writing and it did pay off.  I got an Honorable Mention in the Writer's Digest 80th Annual Writing Competition. My category was heavily attended (Short Story Lit/Mainstream) with over 5000 entries I believe (or best estimate). I got 43 out of top 100 for a fictional short story titled, A Moment for Rosalie.  "Ya shoulda seen my face when I opened the e-mail."  Better yet, you should have seen the little jig I danced around the house like a spastic cheerleader on Red Bull.

I am now heading to the ASU Virginia Piper's Desert Nights Rising Stars Writer's Conference, just a few weeks away. Last year I blogged about my experience and if you care to check in to see what I learn, please check back. This year I made the big leap to the "Master's Class" and have submitted 20 pages of my non-fiction, A Mother's Purpose, for review by a published author and 11 other aspiring memoirists. This should be fun and I hope to take all I can from having several writers read and critique my work.

I also have entered the Writer Mag's Memoir contest, soon to be announced March 1 or shortly thereafter. I have to say, I get a real kick out of entering contests. If you have never entered one, do your research, enter a quality one with a long standing. Polish up your work and take the leap. I find it very therapeutic in a "writerly" sort of way.

I am glad to be back. Please follow, please comment. I love to hear back from you and above all, if you have a blog/story to share, do so here.  I am also a member of She Writes but just cannot get the darn logo to attach!!!! 

More Soon!

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About Me

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I figured things out late in life, like what I wanted to do, getting married (age 30), having kids, (36 and 38) and changing degrees about 3 times. Now as a cop of 19 years and in my mid 40's, I am finally figuring out some things. My first career or dream of becoming a writer is playing more in my head and daily life than ever. I love it. Thus the blog. It is all mine. I also love being a mother. They are all ours. I love my husband and as a cop, wow.. have I seen some things. Street degree. I got it. Let us learn together. I also am on She Writes.